Monday, 14 July 2014

'Women can't have it all'- but who can?


Recently, an ad from P&G's brand Always captured the classic concept of differences in the way adults and children, men and women, boys and girls perceived the same sentence- What does 'Like a girl' mean? Unsurprisingly, the only ones who took the statement at face value were the young girls- 'Like a girl means like me'. The world has a strange way of 'Socializing' us. Simple sentences begin to mean entirely different things as we grow up because thats what society teaches us. And yet it was this very society that gave the corporate world the likes of Indra Nooyi, CEO of PepsiCo and Sheryl Sandberg, COO of Facebook.

The feminist movement and women themselves have taken leaps ahead from a time when the primary role of a woman was considered to be that of a home-maker and a care-giver. Every generation goes that extra step further to establish that men and women, while not the same, are still equal. Women take the strides and men back them up. In fact, in a recent conversation, a friend remarked that he understands that marriage is a huge step for a woman and that he wishes to make this transition a smoother one for her- a statement that clearly shows the progress we are making in how women are perceived. Yet, some recent thoughts that emerged at the Aspen Ideas festival, lead to a small voice that whispered 'Like a Girl!'

Ms. Indra Nooyi (one of the women I look up to greatly), shared her perspectives on work-life balance for a woman. Among other things she said 'Women can't have it all'. 

I believe that irrespective of whether you are a man or a woman, you can't 'have it all' unless you mentally decide to. By this I mean that 'Having it all' is a state of mind. You could be the leader of a country, a president, a CEO or a home-maker and still not 'have it all'. Everyone (irrespective of gender) has to make some choices in life, and by virtue of that, you may not end up living an 'ideal' life. You may be a man who chooses and works towards being a Wall Street hotshot. It's likely that at that point you may not win the 'Daddy of the year' award. So making this a gender based statement seems like only women pay a price for trying to be successful. I am in no doubt that women pay a higher price for success than men, simply because of the inequitable manner in which society is structured. But it is also true that women are more prone to guilt than men, and hence end up with the feeling of 'not having it all'. So while it is true that the odds are stacked more against women, what would have been a great source of inspiration for me is to hear how she (Ms. Nooyi) and other successful women have tackled this inequality and how they have affected change in the lives of so many other working mothers today.

Another issue that she brought up during this meet was that she enlisted the help of those at her work place to help out with her children's upbringing. She mentioned that she partially delegated the task of parenting to her secretary. While on the one hand it is unlikely that one in the early years of their career can find time to manage everything to perfection, it is also impossible to achieve success without the support of a spouse. As the old saying goes, 'it takes a village to bring up a child' but the luxury of a 'village' is limited to the elite few. For the rest of us, we need the support of our good old spouses! For after all, isn't a child the responsibility of both the parents? And at a time that one parent is unavailable wouldn't the natural instinct be to turn to the other? Sure, a stereotypical situation would be for the mother to be the first point of contact, but Ms. Nooyi is far from the stereotype! And hence, as a woman in a position of power, I wish she had elaborated on the need for men to step up in the role of a parent and on how corporates in this day and age can play a role in straightening out the gender roles of society.

It’s a very different day and age today. True, the mother may still be considered the primary caregiver, but today she has her husband to lean on. Men are becoming more and more active in the role of a householder and a father. So in a bid to fight the world (and fight we must in a lot of circumstances) let's not completely forget that the goal is not for women to come out on top, but for us to live and make successes of our lives based on our own standards. And as women in places of power, Ms. Nooyi, Ms. Sandberg and others are  definitely in a position to change the way the corporate world approaches gender equality!


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