When she spoke..

This an entry for the Indus Ladies blog writing contest, on some given topics.

The one topic that hit hard, was titled- "Empowered Women and Increasing Divorce Rates – Related?". That is the one I picked to write about. This is a reflection on the statement.

1943

She was 16 years old when her destiny was tied down to a man she had met on the day of her wedding. A child, who’s schooling stopped at grade 10 because she had to ‘learn to run a house, to cook and to take care of the children’. She delivered at 17 and yet again at 19. Two more followed at 22 and 25. And her whole life went by looking after the children, family, home and in-laws. Now 86, she reflected what her life had been. She could remember the endless hours in the kitchen- and nothing else that was significant. Her husband had never encouraged her to follow her talent for sewing and crochet. He had never even looked at her with affection. She remembered him completely ignoring her in the presence of a third person and completely discounting her opinions on how their life should be. He never stepped up for her when she was insulted or forced to do things she didn’t want to do. And it was her ‘duty’ to take care of his family. But she kept quiet. She stayed true to her husband and served him and his family life long, because she didn’t have an option and didn’t know to expect any better. She couldn’t ever tell her mother how she felt when her husband chose to ignore her. Or her father that her husband didn’t care what she wanted in life. She could never tell anyone her beliefs, aspirations and motivations in life because she understood that no one really cared and even if they did, they would tell her ‘women are tied to their destiny’. At 86 now, this was all she could remember.

60 years hence

Today we believe in educating the girl child. We want to empower our daughters to be able to stand on their own two feet- to work, earn, live and love. But how many of us realize that education means exposure to the world outside? That it means that your child is going to be equipped to look life in the face and take it head on? Today, a woman’s expectations are different because we (society) have empowered her with thoughts, a sense of right and wrong and most importantly- self respect. So when a girl of today faces the same situation her grandmother of 86 faced, she knows that she deserves better. Whether working or taking care of a house, she deserves the love and respect of her husband and her in-laws. She deserves a say in their future. She deserves the credit of bring up her children and taking care of her in-laws. She knows that her dreams and aspirations need not be kept to herself, but shared with her life partner. She believes that a husband’s role is not just that of a sperm-donor or an ATM. He is her support system- a friend, philosopher and guide. He is the person she will give her entire life for. And the least she deserves is affection, respect and a right to make decisions. And when she doesn’t get any of these, she has the courage to look the other way and part with someone who doesn’t recognize that she’s not a baby producing machine, a nanny, a wage earner and an insurance against the future.

It is hence, not only enough to believe that girls should be empowered and educated. It is critical that those who believe in empowering women also understand that society needs to adapt to this phenomenon. It is we, as society, who are changing the way she thinks and yet it is us who are not prepared to change ourselves. Our society needs to change too. It needs to equip the future generations of men and women to accept this change and understand how the roles of both are becoming increasingly dynamic. It is just not enough to empower women if there isn’t going to be a system that would support and enable everyone to move along with times and reduce the friction caused by change.

So, here’s the question we should be looking at- is it empowerment of women that is leading to an increase in divorce rates? Or is it that society hasn’t yet learned that the women of today are different from those of their grandmother’s generation?